Big Glasses

I hate glasses. I’m talking eye glasses here. I’ve been wearing them now for several years and I hate them just as much as I did in the beginning. Yeah, I know, I could get contacts…but I don’t want to do that either! I just want my eyes to work. I can see fine from a distance, but I can’t read at all without them. Consequently, I take my glasses off a lot. I throw them in the seat, stick them in my backpack when I go to work, toss them on a table and just basically treat them like the nuisance they are. I can’t wear them under my motorcycle helmet either, so I end up crushing them in a jacket pocket. As you can imagine, my glasses are somewhat abused. They get bent, the lens is always dirty and scratched and they tend to fall apart. However, at least my glasses halfway fit my face! I mean, take a look at this:

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I try to make my glasses look as inconspicuous as possible. I get the smallest lens I can get away with and no frame, hoping they will just “disappear.” It appears that my parents, on the other hand, were all about “big glasses!”  I mean, take a look at these puppies! I suppose Pop is up in Heaven now still trying to explain to St. Peter why he bought those big glasses. Peter is not really listening because he is laughing too hard! Mom, that means you are going to have to provide the insight. So I ask you Mom, “What…in…the…Hell…were you guys thinking? Was that the trend of the day? To buy glasses bigger than your face? One thing is for sure, I’m starting to understand why I had such ugly clothes when I was growing up. Wait till you see the colar on my “disco” shirt; it’s as big as those glasses!

Now, I have heard several women in my day comment that my dad was a “Nice looking older man,” which is about as good of a complement as us old guys can hope for. But blow this photo up and take a closer look at Pop. Those glasses are not doing him any favors! I know he was a smart guy. I couldn’t even hold a candle to him when it came to knowledge or skill. He could do math in his head that I can’t do with a calculator. But those glasses make him look like he belongs on the “short bus!”

To be fair, I’ve seen some pretty big sunglasses on my wife on occasion, so I guess I’m the one who doesn’t understand. All I know is when I die, you can leave my glasses in their case (like I even have a case). Or just do me a favor and toss them in the trash.



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